Waiting For A Certain Shade of Green?

Well it's been awhile and frankly, I don't know if anyone really reads this but whatever, I took a nap and I'm somewhat energized so i figured why not put up some news and notes. I have a lot of bullshit floating around in my head.

- recently I've been gathering all of the trendy clothes I bought in the early years of college (circa 2003). Needless to say it ended up being a waste of money. Nike Dunks played me out. haha. Seriously though, it was somewhat ironic and self-defeating because I enjoyed getting all this stuff because I didn't mind this kind of trendy stuff. It was new to me. Something fresh, but at the end of the day I'm just a t-shirt and jeans guy. When i dressed up in the morning, I didn't reach for the trendy stuff, I just reached for the simple stuff. I told myself I'd bust out the special Dunks and clothes for a special occasion. No such occassion occurred. Anyway, I'm getting a some help from my boy Rocs to sell this stuff on eBay. While I'm namedropping I just wanna say, Tita Mila, Thanks for throwing away half my sb boxes when you cleaned the basement last year. Selling the shoes in the wrong boxes, that looks legit. haha. I don't really regret buying all those shoes. I mean, it was a hobby. Something to look back on and say 'that was fun...and now its wack.' Anyway, what am i selling for? a Nikon d40 hopefully. We'll see if that works out.

-the Truth is this time last year I was mildly excited about graduating. I saw it as an opportunity to do activities I was interested in. I was thinking, 'hey this gives me a chance to do a writing workshop, or a culinary class, or a photography class.' Almost a year removed and I haven't exactly cut into that list. Sometimes i move a bit slow and sometimes I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for a bad cycle. I believe everything is gonna work out though. I've slowly been learning during my current role of helping out the parents at the restaurant. Fuck what you think. I get up everyday and go to work just like everyone else. Just because I'm not putting on a suit and tie and walking into an office building doesn't mean I'm not going to work. I'll get into that soon enough, but right now, this is where I'm needed. I used to bitch at going to work and most of the time I still do. We all do. However, my parents helped me to kind of change my perspective because he told me 'you gotta start working there with a managers mentality. don't just serve the customers, you gotta stay aware of the other things like what's selling and what's not. Keeping track of the inventory for the marketing. Coming up with new ideas for the menu or the presentation of the restaurant.' I helped me realize that I wasn't taking any of that into consideration and I just thought I was some sort of hostage. Also it's completely screwing up my diet. damn. Anyway, point is, this restaurant put me through school and kept a roof over my head for more than 15 years. This is the least I can do for my parents. Hardest working people I know.
Anyway, there's plenty of time to get into all those new hobbies I was interested in. I'll start applying for a "real job" come late April into May. I'm hoping to land in a publishing company. I figured if I can't read books, join em'.

- Yeah so I kinda miss college. It was a good experience. Left it like I left high school. Feeling like I should have done more but what can you do? Some good people, good laughs, got pretty okay grades, that's all I could have really hoped for I guess. Could it have been more? Yeah, but learning never stops. You don't need a classroom to gain knowledge.

- Even though i miss bugging out in college, I realized a lot of people didn't really keep in touch. fucked up. lol. I've hit this bitter state anyway. It's no hard feelings, some keep in touch, some don't. I guess I just get fascinated by it because i've spent my whole life specifically trying not to step on people's toes and being concerned with what they think (btw its a horrible way to live and i'm trying to kick the habit) and so I just get very interested in what makes a person say 'hey he's cool maybe he's worth keeping in touch with. By all means i understand there are just some people you don't really care for, trust me i know. Nevertheless it's interesting how these interpersonal relationships work, in general, not just me and my acquaintances. If my friend from high school reads this he's probably thing its really hypocritical because I didn't do the best job of always keeping in touch with him after high school, and he went to school across the street. I'm sorry my friend, let's go to Tops.

- So I've tried going to the gym again and Retro has too many damn members now. lol. I'm much more comfortable when no one is in there. man i hate being self-conscious. Anyway, as I mentioned before, the diet has basically gone down the drain till I stop working at the restaurant. I've come to the conclusion that my effectiveness to old diets was because I had more of a preventative approach where if I wasn't in front of food I wouldn't have to worry about being tempted. Now you're probably saying 'didn't you just say you spent the greater part of your college career bullshitting in a cafeteria' and yes while this may be true, I frankly didn't want to spend money and actually having my friends there indirectly kept me in check. Losing weight doesn't get any easier as you get older and I kinda hear that the point where it gets to get more difficult is past 25 so the way I look at it I've got some time still to make it happen. Oh to be skinny. haha.
But honestly, as much as losing weight has to do with physical appearance which is why a lot of people do it, for me it's starting to become more of a 'i just want to be healthy and live longer' kind of thing. seeing what diabetes has done to some members of my family it's becoming clear to me that I don't want to go through that. Genetically my body might having something else to say about it come 20 years from now and so if I can prevent that by lifting a few weights, breaking a sweat and curbing the bad foods a little then I'm cool with that. 150-160 is still the goal.

- Now that I don't walk around campus, my iPod has drastically declined in its usefulness. lol.

- my music scene is still declining and has a result, I've started to listen to more sports radio in the car. I enjoy it.


I guess that's it. Not sure when I'll blog again so enjoy this for a few months and i'll be "back and better than ever."