Well I've got the day off and I figured it might be a good time to blog. A little year-in-review action I suppose. It's a little tough with not really a whole lot going on this year. At least I can't remember anything at the moment. I'll write what comes to mind, so let's walk and talk as I tell you what's gone on and what I hope goes on next year.
I still work at the restaurant which is whatever. I mean it's really my choice if i want to make it a fulfilling experience or if i wanna sulk about it. Honestly I doubt anyone is even hiring right now so if I'm just gonna pick up a job i might as well do something where my family is benefitting. it was recently brought to my attention by my cousin from AZ that this job has numerous aspects of it that make it relevant to jobs i may or may not be applying to in the future. Things that won't make me feel so stumped when I'm finally sitting in the interview process and the guy asks "so what have you been doing?"
Every year my list of resolutions is completely identical. it's pretty pitiful but it's also a testament to how much i really DON'T try. if only i did, i would like to think i can accomplish more than i think but many times in the learning process I just get too lazy. That's a bad habit. I only get one mind and one body so I should try to get it going in the right direction. I'm put on a few pounds since my healthier days in college but i hope to change that soon. I notice a lot of people starting to get in better shape and I think i should follow. What sometimes frustrates me is that before everyone else started getting healthy and losing weight, I did it first. I am the former success story. now i fell back and everyone is moving forward. Foreshadowing? I hope not. But yeah, so I'm hoping to return to some sort of cardio driven lifestyle and maybe start lifting by summertime but nothing bulky. Bulky is a little much. I would like to get my stamina up and hopefully play some basketball because as bad as I am on the court, I probably wouldn't be thaaaat bad if i had actual energy and wasn't gasping for breath all the time.
I still didn't learn a lick of guitar and I haven't finished any books that I own. lol. Fantasy Sports tends to engulf my life. I need better time management. it's funny because some people tend to make time for reading because they really enjoy it. I don't think i get the same joy, i just want to because i figured maybe it can make me smarter but I still can't get myself to finish a damn book.
I really need more patience when it comes to things like that. Sometimes it's like once i encounter some sort of dilemma my mind just shuts down and doesn't want to deal with it. that's not good.
in 2008 my Dell Comp died and hopefully it will come back in a new wiped out form. the positive, it will work again. The negative, i may have lost my pictures and music....yet again. can someone say external hard drive? anyway, i've recently become the new owner of an IMac and I'd love to tell you more about it but I got to lazy to play with it because all i tend to do on comps is go on the internet. Not much of a game/adobe/uploading/downloading type of person. I've always needed a comp for 2 things: internet and for typing reports. I no longer have to do the latter, unless you count blogging but that too is done online.
I find new years to be the most depressing holiday of them all. Yes it's joyous in the sense that it's a new beginning. However, that too never made sense to me. I always had a different timeline growing up because for me a "year" is my year in school. The regular calender means you are essentially in two different school grades and sometimes i just find it hard to relate the two. anyway, i digress. the point is i'm always stuck with all these things that i didn't get to do. maybe it's time to stop that shit ya know? I mean I'm not getting any younger and sitting around and looking back was never really in style so I gotta figure something out. Something that can jumpstart something in my life. It's become way to mundane and I find myself being very bitter. nothing to specifically be bitter about, I just find myself being angry. Sometimes it would be nice to be happy about things. Not in that fake way like other people, but just sort of content for the time being. I think it all comes down to knowing that you're living your life and doing your best to make the most of it. Effort was never always my forte and I don't feel like I'm trying my best. I think it's mainly because i rather use my energy for something that i care about. Problem is i don't really care about much....not in that passionate type of way at least. I'll see. Sometimes people put their best foot forward because that's just the way it is. Try your best and everything you do. Yeah that sounds good. We'll see how that goes. I'm trying to say that in the most non-sarcastic way possible. I just strive to be a multi-faceted individual who has fulfilling experiences.
So what does 2009 have in store? Well let's list the obvious..
-lose some weight where i can fit into the clothes i bought when i was skinnier. also, I'm turning 24 in a few weeks and metabolism already hates me and it's not gonna get any better so i need to make at least one more push towards my ultimate goal. At this pt. weight loss of any sort sounds good. baby steps.
- try to learn things. Just open my mind to absorbing information. It's hard because I have a personal diagnosis of what i like to all 'readers ADD' because i can't read for a long time without me getting distracted and simply saying in my head 'shit this is getting long.' I just want to be knowledgeable because i find myself saying 'I Don't Know" way too many times.
- learn guitar.....for the 80,000th time.
- figure out what i want to do with my life in terms of the type of job I want to look for. I know it's boring for girls...to find guys who fall into routine but honestly that's what i need, otherwise, i don't perform well at my jobs. if i constantly feel hectic, i'm gonna mess up something so when i do find i job, i'll probably intend to stay for awhile till i get comfortable. maybe that doesn't sound good but for me to not be constantly stressed out i might need that sort of daily routine, as boring as it may sound. then if something else comes up and i feel i'm ready, then move on. That's getting way ahead of myself though.
To expand on the whole idea of routine, I just watched that movie YesMan and a lot of people tend to be attracted to spontaneity. That's gonna be trouble for a person like me. I find myself very boring and sometimes I like to go to "my favorite this or that and i don't particularly find it a bad thing to do some of the same things over again. I understand not everything can be like that and i too would get bored but it's just very intimidating to see spontaneous people do their thing. I"m not sure if i'll ever become that type of person. I can occasionally but then i get worried that, that type of thing would start to be expected and instead of appreciating when i am, people will just question it. maybe that goes back to the whole expanding my horizons resolution. Yes Man had this whole thing about opening up to new life experiences but i find that might be a little impractical, especially because i don't live in a Hollywood dreamworld. You only live once though. I don't know, it's like i make excuses for myself to say No. I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with the way I approach things. Sometimes I just think that maybe there's another approach.
- I'm taking photography off of the list this year because I'm just losing interest with it. It's just not for me. I'm not the type to walk around with my camera and just take random pictures. It's a trendy thing to do and if you enjoy it, that's great. If you're great at it, even better. I'm not sure if I'm like that. I only see some things that would look cool while others see the world as a constant Kodak Moment waiting to happen. I would like to borrow their eyes for a day. Zooey Deschanel (who i love) said in that Yes Man movie that as kids we used to see the world as a playground and at some point we lost that outlook. I thought it was an interesting point, from an adventurous person's point of view.
- I'm hoping to get into good enough shape to join my friends basketball team. I don't even want to play in a real game. Maybe just practice. Get in that cardio and prove that I can still make a jumpshot.
- sometimes i feel that it doesn't matter what job i do, if i do it long enough i'll probably get sick of it. I hoping that i can obtain a more positive outlook in life. I tend to get tired of things like work. maybe tired is the wrong word, but nothing else is coming to life. Its like that feeling like you're just not enjoying yourself and everyday can feel like a waste of time. is there a word for that?
I like living in a place like NJ/NY because it doesn't matter if you have a bad day because you're allowed to be an asshole around here but sometimes I'm an asshole everyday and even i say to myself 'hey lighten up.' I don't like to be happy all the time and i don't like being around really happy people. It just freaks me out. It feels fake but at the same time, nobody likes a grouch either. whatta killjoy.
anyway, I'm hoping a can do a little bit of growing this year. A little soul searching. I'm not looking for a monumental life change, although that may not be too bad. I just don't want to write another annual self-assessment next year and find myself writing about the same stuff. So what's up 2009? Let's make it count.
