During June, it seemed like it rained everyday. even if it was warm, it seemed to rain at some point. A couple of months left. Hopefully less rain.
Time to fix Life. Preferably my own.
A triumphant return to the gym is in order. I really think that through that type of discipline, it will also have positive effects on other aspects of my life. It probably won't have a direct influence but it may play some sort of role. Even if it doesn't, going to the gym in itself is a positive so I'll leave it at that.
A note on a gym lifestyle:
- I don't think I'll ever be the guy who completely shuts out "bad" food from my life. If you dig deep enough, everything is bad for you one way or another so you can't base your life on that. It is my belief that the NJ/NY area we live in has the best cuisine in the country and to deprive yourself of experiencing some of that cuisine while you live here is a great disservice to yourself. Now I'm not saying eat bad foods all the time. What I'm saying is that for me, I'd like to find a balance where I can feel good about my health and at the same time, enjoy the food 'good or bad' that this area has to offer. Basically, I'd like to get to the point where I can have a Shake Shack burger every once in awhile and not feel like shit for the rest of the day.
Finally got Microsoft Office for my Mac. Hopefully that can get the ball rolling with learning how to use it so I don't feel like a blatant liar when I say on my resume' "proficient in Microsoft Office." Needless to say I took MIS in Rutgers during my second semester of Senior Year (maybe it was the First, it's all a blur), so I didn't exactly go to all the classes (I miss college).
Early in the new year I finished 2 books. I know for some that's not a goal or a admirable feat, but for me it was. I never have the patience to sit and read a book and finishing 2 in about 5 days was very exciting for me. Since then I've gone back to the book drought. Some read for enjoyment and hobby, I read for personal fulfillment and success. It's terrible. My logic for books goes like this:
- if you watch a bad movie, you've wasted an average of 2 hours...if you read a bad book, you've wasted days. Days you will never have back. Some will argue that you can get a sense if the book is bad. Yes, I'd agree with that to a certain extent but sometimes you also hear that "let the story develop" argument and if you go down that path and are proven wrong, that has to be very upsetting. (the latest Indiana Jones was the worst movie EVER. given it's build-up and history of the other movies, it really dropped the ball and flat out sucked).
Back to the books, I plan on finishing my Chuck Palahnuik book Survivor and the book that Emile lent me The Brief Wundrous Life of Oscar Wao. Less facebook, more real books.
I go on and on on this blog about ideals of self-improvement. Believe me, you can scroll to the older blogs; it's the same old song and dance. The truth is I'm 24, people are growing impatient with my reluctancy to truly grow into the next phase of life. I've lost a sense that people have faith in what I have to offer. I've lost relationship(s). My health has greatly deteriorated since I left college. I'm losing more and more faith in myself. I just have to suck it up. I have to find out if this mind of mine still works. "I trying to find out if my words have any meaning."
People go on and on about the American Dream. Fulfilling your dreams. I've never quite had dreams, I just knew that I didn't want to be broke. People also say it's never too late. In some ways, sometimes it is, unless you have money. Would I have done college differently? Hindsight being 20/20 says yes. What are my dreams now? Well I would have liked to have joined the school paper and done some sports writing. I really enjoy sports no matter what people say about it. My friend told me once in reaction to why he doesn't watch sports regularly, "I watch shows where you actually learn something, what am I going to learn from a baseball game." I took a little offense, but at the same time, It makes a little bit of sense. I look at it more of expanding my horizons. Anyway I digress a bit; the point is, sometimes it no longer becomes finding/fulfilling a dream. Maybe it becomes more about becoming content and finding your way. My uncle once said, "people are too hung up on this idea of the American Dream. This idea of happiness. It's a fine idea but at the end of the day, do you know what can make you happy? Putting food on the table and a roof over your head and your family." Ok, that wasn't verbatim, but it's an old quote, so cut me some slack.
I have a bet going with my friend on who can lose more weight. Winner gets $50. I may have mentioned it in passed blogs. Anyway, we keep pushing back the deadline (original was June, Now it's August at some point.) He's in the PI right now...getting FAT i hope. This is my chance to take the lead. I already had a lead...but then Lent ended and so did my discipline. A new day, a new hope. A new cause.
I bring a notebook to work and write in it everyday or mostly everyday trying to motivate myself. I put up a dry eraser board in my room last year to hopefully do the same. Sometimes words are just words. Action and Focus is the trick. My friend who lent me the Oscar Wao book also recommended a motivational book. I should maybe borrow it. I always had an iffy stance on it because sometimes I'd be rebellious against such books because every once in a while my pride will come out and say, "I can do it without it."
Maybe I'll give it a shot. It can't hurt.
Well this ran much longer than I previously anticipated.
