"Fuck my Life"

My sentiments exactly.

I'm a Closet Fan

you do you and i'll do me.

Heineken Light on Friday Night

It's been quite a busy week that only looks to get worse cuz i have to go to work tomorrow as well. Just feel like laying out and taking some time out to clear my head.

-we've had to cater to the Philippine Consulate for the last couple of days as well as other caterings. it's been busy but i've gotta find a way to stay on course in terms of what i'm trying to do this Fall.

- It's easier to muster up courage when you've got nothing to lose so i'm looking to write out a cover letter soon and hopefully it's a killer one. I need to see if that writer in me has died.

- Recently obtained a pair of Jordan III's. I guess the old hypebeast in me wanted some closure. they're a little big tho. cwap.

- my first and second issue of Rolling Stone came in the mail today. Reading is Fundamental.

- my Dell D esktop is on the verge of crashing or something. That's unfortunate because it's never given me problems. one time it crashed on me but it wasn't my doing so i have no idea what exactly happened. Other than that, it's never had a blue screen or anything. I don't download music. I don't download porn contrary to popular belief. I literally don't do much on it besides go to the internet...and it still is giving me this one problem. What did I ever do to it? It's a sadistic world.
It looks like my time has come to explore the world of Macbooks. I probably should have asked for one for graduation but no one uses the desktop at home and it is/was a fine computer so why waste the money to get another one. Yes, it would have been more practical to get one during college because honestly, where am I gonna bring it? If i end up getting an office job, there will be a computer there and once i get home it's just me and the desktop. However, in the spirit of "the in thing," I guess I will elect to go with a laptop. There is no confirmation tho.
also, i deleted AIM thinking that may have contributed to the problem because it said that there was some sort of corrupt file within the program. whatever. It's in the midst of a slow downfall.
my new problem is backing everything up because I've lost my music and pictures once, and it wasn't fun so hey if anyone has a spare external hard drive, bring it on!

- I catered this 7 yr old's party last week at OLM and I saw this kid who was playing with a finger skateboard, a tech deck if you will, and yeah.....I showed him what's up. The sad part about that is that I'm 23.

- Fall 08' : Job Hunt & Diet. Don't lose the big picture because frankly, I've got nothing else.


eh on second thought, this was a pretty pointless blog entry.

My Mind, The Nest of Unorganized Thoughts.

-The Cycle: encounter --> initial intrigue --> slight advance --> intrigue dies
seen it, lived it.
something climatic or anti-climatic occurs.
it's probably me. which is fine but one day i'd like the person to be a good sport and just explain why. it's happened too often for me to believe that there can't be a common thread between it all.

- There's probably a thinner line than you think, between Boredom and Comfort.

- Let's face it...you win. You're better than me.

-Making out is probably an underrated stress relieving activity...if you don't attach any sort of emotional connections or make a big deal out of it. I could be wrong.

- 175 by Age 24. I should probably have more goals than my fucking weight. It's such a sad broken record. What's more sad is that I remember when I was real young I would ask God (like a naive child) to help me lose some weight. "if you help me lose it, I'll be able to maintain it and keep it off." The help came 2 years ago. 2 years later most of it is back and I probably symbolically lied to God. Yep. I'm an asshole.

- You were ready to go. I might be second guessing if I was.

- It could very well be jealousy that leads to my discomfort.

- There are many situations where I virtually "have nothing to lose" but treat the situation as if I do.

- There's a fine line between cleaning your room and simply hiding all your shit.

- If I foresee myself in the office setting while relating to characters in The Office...I'd probably hope to be Jim: the cool collected guy. smart. good at what he does. doesn't let the job stress him out.
I might end up like Toby: miserable. on top of that, he's in HR.

- sometimes i give playful pushes to people i know. A few times I probably over did it. sorry bout that, wanna be friends again? haha.

- I have the most useless iTunes ever.

- Fall Fasting. I gotta lose this shit even if it's the only meaningful thing I do in the near future. i hope other meaningful things will come with it.

- Some days are easier than others in terms of acceptance. Maybe it's hard in terms of accepting that all that time amounted to such little waiting afterward.
you're over it. maybe i can't get over that just yet.

- I don't have any problem with you. or you.

- There are times where I miss those YFC days. those were fun.



ok i think i'll sleep now.










-

I Found Away

I pretty much go to the restaurant every weekday, sometimes on the weekends. I spend the time I'm not there either out with the guys or rotting in my room. Going out will probably start to decrease as the semester continues with everyone getting more and more busy with work and school. The moral is I really need to be more productive with the time I have. Simple things like cleaning my room for example. My room is simply messy, which wouldn't be half bad if I had a real room, not a den with a sliding door. People always need to come in and so they have to walk through the jungle of shoes and clothes that I'm created. Anyway, a clean room is pretty minor but someone once told me that a cluttered room equals a cluttered mind. Maybe it was Mr. Miyagi. The point is, with all this talk about making my Fall productive, it's time to get moving.

I've been trying to remind myself that diets are fun. Challenging but sort of fun. I used to think so at least. I'm hoping that a diet can indirectly jump-start my campaign for self- improvement. It would also be nice to fit into my other shirts. Oh how the mighty have fallen. lol. Anyway, I pretty much tried to plot my weight-loss for the Fall. I"m keeping the goals realistic and attainable at the same time. I"m not trying to aim so high. Just trying to aim for what I roughly was during college around the end of my junior year to about winter of senior year. Anyway, this may seem like the say old empty diet plan, and maybe it is, but fuck it, might as well try i guess. Glory Days. Fruits, Yogurt, Oatmeal, 3 meals a day. Hopefully. Oh wait, I still work at the restaurant. Also, my gym routine gets severely worse once the summer ends so I pretty much need to diet in terms of damage control. Oh cwap.

My hopes of reading more are really gonna be hindered with the re-emergance of football season. Again, poor time management. I did buy this Rolling Stone t-shirt from Macy*s and now I receive an entire year subscription to Rolling Stone for free. Awesome, I used to enjoy reading that while I worked at Stop and Shop.

I'm trying to really get back into music because well, I need a soundtrack to my life.
It's just tough cuz i refuse to get limewire or anything like that and doing it the honest way is just too expensive. I need an itunes card. There are also a few shows I was interested in checking out
9/21 Nightmare of You
10/18 Steel Train

I used to aspire to write a book. haha. Mainly because it sounds cool, but I never really was great at telling stories. I would like to start writing more though. Maybe take a workshop. Ironically I've always enjoyed writing but never got into reading. What a backwards life.
The book was supposed to be titled The Serious Side to Funny People.



As the Me-Time continues to increase, expect positive results shortly.

"These break-up songs make sense again..."

I was gonna do this whole summer in review thing but I blogged pretty recently and I mentioned most of my summer activities there. Hence, I'll probably lean more towards what I have or should have planned for Fall 08.

Overall, this summer has not been so bad. My summer has basically consisted of heading back to the gym, hanging out with the guys, and that's probably it. However, whenever I look back at my best summers, the best ones that come to memory are the ones that were just chill. Waking up to no real agenda (except work of course) and just making the best of everyday. I like winging it during the summer. It kind of makes me feel young again. There's a certain innocence with just going with the flow. This summer I just decided to go with the flow. The summer just has this sort of aura to it. I mean there's really nothing like driving around with the windows down listening to music. Driving = Music time. I love the summer. However, not in that greedy type of way like people that live in California. Summer all year around? Greedy assholes. You need the seasons. It makes you appreciate it more. I digress. The Fall will be much different.

This Fall is very important in terms of self-growth and progress. It's probably the same approach I should have entered last Fall with. I sort of came into last Fall with hopes of getting a job, saying that even if I don't get one I'll apply to work at one of the Psych Labs at school. Obviously, that didn't go through. I had no business passing Stats so once I had to plot numbers and stuff, I probably would have gotten fired shortly after because it probably would have been wrong. I would probably repeatedly write,"the numbers did not administer any conclusive results based on these really big numbers I can't analyze."
The major difference with the upcoming Fall 08 season is that I'm gonna be entering it alone. Recently broke up and so it's the first Fall in about 4 years that I'll be entering without a companion which is...different, for lack of a better term. Different but hopefully fruitful as well. It gives me a real chance to kind of just focus on myself for a while. So we'll see how that goes I guess. No hard feelings. No regrets. "The truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt."

Just gotta keep the mind moving. There's a lot to learn out there so I should try to soak up as much as I can, while I still can. I just want to be knowledgeable. Not in that smartass, know-it-all way though. Nobody likes those type of people. Pretentious assholes.

I'm not even sure what I'd like to learn. I've had photography, guitar, and cooking on my list-of-things-to-do List for years now and not much progress has been made so maybe I'll try to pursue it for real. I talked enough about lists last time. My basic point is that this Fall, with no gf, most of my friends finishing up school and/or working, I'm probably going to have a lot of me-time and I've gotta do something productive with it. I have all these books I've bought and never finished so maybe I should start there. I also wanted to read World War Hulk and finish that other comic 52 that I bought.
I was told to write down a list of goals. Problem is I've never really had a set list of goals. That's probably where the problem started. I probably need to sit down and have a real evaluation with myself and try to figure out what I want because I'm not really sure. Never have been. I remember this line from Office Space where the main character said, "It's not that I"m lazy, It's that I just don't care." That has probably been my mindset all along. My ex used to always tell me I needed more passion about things. I'm assuming she didn't mean passion is an affectionate way, but rather in the sense of knowing what I want. She was probably right.
I have faith that it'll work out. I've been writing focus on my hand for years, esp when I was in school. Problem was, I kept falling asleep on that hand. In all seriousness though, going into another Fall season out of college and things as different as ever, a little bit of focus wouldn't hurt.







Anyway, this Fall is gonna be different. It has to be, if there's gonna be any hope for me.