"These break-up songs make sense again..."

I was gonna do this whole summer in review thing but I blogged pretty recently and I mentioned most of my summer activities there. Hence, I'll probably lean more towards what I have or should have planned for Fall 08.

Overall, this summer has not been so bad. My summer has basically consisted of heading back to the gym, hanging out with the guys, and that's probably it. However, whenever I look back at my best summers, the best ones that come to memory are the ones that were just chill. Waking up to no real agenda (except work of course) and just making the best of everyday. I like winging it during the summer. It kind of makes me feel young again. There's a certain innocence with just going with the flow. This summer I just decided to go with the flow. The summer just has this sort of aura to it. I mean there's really nothing like driving around with the windows down listening to music. Driving = Music time. I love the summer. However, not in that greedy type of way like people that live in California. Summer all year around? Greedy assholes. You need the seasons. It makes you appreciate it more. I digress. The Fall will be much different.

This Fall is very important in terms of self-growth and progress. It's probably the same approach I should have entered last Fall with. I sort of came into last Fall with hopes of getting a job, saying that even if I don't get one I'll apply to work at one of the Psych Labs at school. Obviously, that didn't go through. I had no business passing Stats so once I had to plot numbers and stuff, I probably would have gotten fired shortly after because it probably would have been wrong. I would probably repeatedly write,"the numbers did not administer any conclusive results based on these really big numbers I can't analyze."
The major difference with the upcoming Fall 08 season is that I'm gonna be entering it alone. Recently broke up and so it's the first Fall in about 4 years that I'll be entering without a companion which is...different, for lack of a better term. Different but hopefully fruitful as well. It gives me a real chance to kind of just focus on myself for a while. So we'll see how that goes I guess. No hard feelings. No regrets. "The truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt."

Just gotta keep the mind moving. There's a lot to learn out there so I should try to soak up as much as I can, while I still can. I just want to be knowledgeable. Not in that smartass, know-it-all way though. Nobody likes those type of people. Pretentious assholes.

I'm not even sure what I'd like to learn. I've had photography, guitar, and cooking on my list-of-things-to-do List for years now and not much progress has been made so maybe I'll try to pursue it for real. I talked enough about lists last time. My basic point is that this Fall, with no gf, most of my friends finishing up school and/or working, I'm probably going to have a lot of me-time and I've gotta do something productive with it. I have all these books I've bought and never finished so maybe I should start there. I also wanted to read World War Hulk and finish that other comic 52 that I bought.
I was told to write down a list of goals. Problem is I've never really had a set list of goals. That's probably where the problem started. I probably need to sit down and have a real evaluation with myself and try to figure out what I want because I'm not really sure. Never have been. I remember this line from Office Space where the main character said, "It's not that I"m lazy, It's that I just don't care." That has probably been my mindset all along. My ex used to always tell me I needed more passion about things. I'm assuming she didn't mean passion is an affectionate way, but rather in the sense of knowing what I want. She was probably right.
I have faith that it'll work out. I've been writing focus on my hand for years, esp when I was in school. Problem was, I kept falling asleep on that hand. In all seriousness though, going into another Fall season out of college and things as different as ever, a little bit of focus wouldn't hurt.







Anyway, this Fall is gonna be different. It has to be, if there's gonna be any hope for me.